By William Loeffler
TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Sunday, February 11, 2007

Valentine's Day candy eventually gets stale. Food and wine are converted to calories. Candles burn down. But a good love song is forever.

The melody lingers. The lyrics resonate. The chorus articulates something we feel deeply, madly and truly but can't quite express to our soul mate.

At least that's the case for that one-in-a-million song that a couple adopts as "our song."

What makes one song personal and another merely enjoyable? You might as well ask why Romeo and Juliet decided to become a couple.

A song might commemorate the night a couple met or shared a first kiss. Its lyrics could tell their story. It could have a killer riff.

"For me, what makes one song more special than another is the message of the song and how it relates to my life," says chef and jazz chanteuse Olga Watkins, of Highland Park. "Lyrics are also important. It's tricky to find a love song that's not too corny. I'm guessing that's why so many people choose 'At Last' as a bridal dance. 'At Last' has absolutely beautiful lyrics.

"I know some people always remember the first song they ever danced or made out to. But for me, it's the message of the song," she says.

"Songs can have power," says professional matchmaker Susan Dunhoff, who runs Modern Matchmaker in Squirrel Hill. "Some people say that their song almost describes the relationship. It almost illustrates it.

"I really think that a special song is kind of like a love secret. The more love secrets a couple has, the stronger the relationship. It's almost like a personal thing that they picked out, like their wedding bands. It's another thing that binds them together. It's just unique to them."

Laura Capp and Fred Rihn, of Emsworth, didn't choose their song. It chose them.

The song was "You and Me," a metal power ballad by a young, radio-friendly trio called Lifehouse.

"I actually hated it," says Laura Capp, 24. "When we first met, I was single and I thought that song was way too mushy. I couldn't relate to it at all. I used to change stations every time it came on the radio."

She changed her tune one evening last January when she and Rihn, 28, were sitting in his car outside a crowded restaurant. "You and Me" came on the radio.

"Instead of changing the station, Fred started singing it to me, and his voice, which is quite good, along with an enhanced connection to the lyrics, made it into one of my favorite songs," she says.

They plan to dance to it at their wedding in August 2008.

"We always remember that fantastic, life-changing moment when we hear it," she says.

Andrea Scheve, director of the UPMC medial musical therapy program, is something of an ER troubadour who serenades patients on her guitar at UPMC Presbyterian, Magee-Womens Hospital and UPMC Montefiore.

"Music is stored in the brain," she says. "Certain smells can bring you back to a certain time. Music can also elicit memories that maybe you haven't thought about in a long time."

If a relationship ended badly, a song can bring back painful memories, as happened to Humphrey Bogart in the film "Casablanca" when old flame Ingrid Bergman requested "As Time Goes By" from Sam the piano player.

"Music is a great way to elicit emotions," Scheve says. "Music is also a great way to help people express their feelings, when words escape them."

She recalls visiting the room of a male patient who was unconscious from a head injury suffered in a construction accident.

"His wife was in the room, and he was unresponsive," Scheve says. "But she said, 'Could you please play Shania Twain for us?' It was a love song, and she was crying and holding his hand. She said, 'That was the song we played at our wedding.' Music can really bring people together."

For Betty and Richard Rapin, of Penn Township, nothing says "I love you" like "I Honestly Love You," the 1974 hit ballad by Olivia Newton-John.

"The day we got engaged, we decided it was our song," says Betty Rapin, who cites the plainspoken devotion conveyed by the lyrics as part of the song's appeal. "When we started dating, he just kind of liked her voice, and I did, too."

Olivia is still looking out for them, it seems. More than once, Betty Rapin says, she and her husband would pause in the midst of a spat by a familiar melody on the car radio.

"Pretty often, she pops on the radio and we look at each other and just snicker, because it reminds us that life is too short and fighting is ridiculous," Rapin says.

What song best defines or evokes a past or present relationship? The choices of area singles and couples show that, just as in romance, there's no accounting for taste.

"Brown Eyed Girl" by Van Morrison

Tom Shirey, principal at Highlands High School in Harrison, and wife Cindy: "I think it was one we both kind of liked. We've been married 33 years. We dated for several years of college before that. My wife has beautiful brown eyes."

"Transfigured Night" by Arnold Schoenberg

Sally Wiggin, news anchor, WTAE: This piece of classical music, which she got to know when she dated a violinist for the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra several years ago, was "their song" by default. "He brought it over to my house to play it for me on one of our first dates."

"Just the Way You Are," by Billy Joel

Eva Dubinsky, of Squirrel Hill, and David Ciranni, of Ohio: "We're not a couple, as most people think of it. We're not dating, as the term is most often defined. We don't spend nearly enough time together, and we try to talk on the phone or online at least once a week. But I still think our relationship -- whatever it is -- can be summed up in this song. (I) most definitely will be thinking of him come Feb. 14."

"Walk this Way" by Aerosmith

Christopher Rendall-Jackson, principal dancer, and Kaori Ogasawara, soloist, Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre: "It's the theme song to the Rock 'N' Roller Coaster at Disney World. It's one of our favorite rides. You hear it before they blast you off. It just kind of stuck with us. It's got a great beat. It's got a great riff."

"Got Your Sugar" by Olga Watkins

Olga Watkins, chef and jazz singer, and Mark Miller, Highland Park: "It's a reggae tune, and I suppose it's really 'our song,'" says Watkins, who wrote it especially for Miller. Sample lyrics: So nice to have you here beside me/Never had a friend like you before/Didn't know that this old kitchen had room for two/Now it's you that keeps me comin' back for more.

None

Elizabeth Strohm and Dan Richey, Shadyside: "We do have a 'looking for our song' routine," she says. "Whenever a particularly annoying or inappropriate song comes on such as Poison's 'Every Rose Has a Thorn,' Jay-Z's '99 Problems,' and the Rolling Stones' 'Sympathy for the Devil,' I give Dan a very serious, romantic look and loudly ask, 'Honey, is this our song?' Kind of lame, but it's become a running joke. I guess the same way some couples bond over romantic lyrics, we've bonded over humor."

The flip side of the songs that define your relationships are those songs you turn to when that romance or relationship tanks.

Below are some examples. Play often and loud on Valentine's Day.

"They Can't Take That Away from Me," Frank Sinatra

"Anytime," Brian McKnight

"Without You," Harry Nilsson (originally written and recorded by Badfinger)

"Not Gon' Cry," Mary J. Blige

"For No One," the Beatles

"SOS," Abba

"Irreplaceable," Beyonce

"These Boots Are Made for Walking," Nancy Sinatra

"Tyrone," Erykah Badu

"Song for the Dumped," Ben Folds Five

"Your Cheating Heart," Hank Williams

"Go Your Own Way," Fleetwood Mac

"Run for Your Life," The Beatles

"Every Breath You Take," Police

"You Oughta Know," Alanis Morissette

"Alison," Elivs Costello

"Hey Joe," Jimi Hendrix

William Loeffler can be reached at wloeffler@tribweb.com or (412) 320-7986.